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  “Are you sure? You don’t look well, Sean. I’ve got some aspirin if you want.”

  “Thanks, Al.” She reached into the small handbag she’d brought with her and pulled out the pills, popping one out and proceeding to help who she thought was Sean to sit up in bed.

  “Erm, aren’t you going to open your eyes?” she asked in confusion.

  “I would, but they’re pretty sore. I’ve been put on eye drops for it.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Sean had to admit, Drew managed to pull off his part pretty well. He sounded, looked and acted like him. He couldn’t blame Ali, who along with Hayden probably knew him better than anyone, for assuming it really was him. Drew slumped back down under the covers with a shudder once he’d taken the pill, and he looked to be in pain. ‘Good’ Sean thought, ‘I hope he’s in agony. He deserves it.’ Ali scooted a little closer, and from the silvery light of the half moon Sean could clearly see the worry and guilt in her gleaming eyes. They stood out, almost shone, and the moonlight made them look mysterious and ghostly. Ha. He chuckled inwardly at the irony of what he’d just thought.

  “Do you know when you’re going to be coming back?” she asked. She deliberated for a moment, then reached out and tentatively gripped the pale hand, for support he guessed.

  Drew coughed a little, and Ali seemed to wince with each one. “Yeah, probably another two weeks. I’m not actually allowed out of bed until the end of this week. Such a drag.” Such a drag? Sean was impressed. Drew had even gotten his favourite phrase right and used it in proper context.

  “You’re so predictable,” Ali chuckled, but it sounded forced. “You know, you’re going to have to catch up in all your classes once you get back.”

  “I know.”

  “That means doing work.”

  “You’re so patronising sometimes, Al. I can handle doing work. I could use some help, though.” Sean felt triumphant. Drew had finally slipped up – there was no way he would ever ask for help with work. Ali normally just gave it to him anyway.

  And, rightfully so, the girl was incredulous. “You’re asking me for help?” Sean sent a smug look to Drew over Ali’s shoulder, even though he wouldn’t be able to see it as he was facing away from him. Yeah, he had slipped up. It was only a matter of time until she figured it out now.

  “Well, yeah. Al, you’re the best scientist in the year and you know Physics is my worst subject. Think you could tutor me?”

  She tilted her head slightly, the light catching on her wheat-coloured hair. “Are you sure?” she asked suspiciously. “Normally you hate even the mention of work.”

  “Well, I’m going to have to do it eventually unless I want to spend my life working in Tescos. I’m already set for failure as it is.”

  “Wow, Sean, this is a…new side of you,” Ali smiled warmly. “Of course, I’d love to help you. I can come round any night, once you’re feeling better of course.”

  Drew smiled, Sean felt nauseous. “Thanks.”

  There was a natural break in conversation then. Drew’s breathing came in soft and rhythmic sighs, as if he had fallen asleep, and Ali watched him intently, as though searching for something. Sean observed her for a minute, silently willing her to turn around and notice him standing there. She actually did so. She turned, stared right through him and then glanced shrewdly around the room. He felt hopeful.

  “Come on, Al,” he whispered into the heavy air. “We’ve known each other for years. Just look a little harder. Can’t you see me?” But really, everything he said was pointless. Useless. Wasted. She could not see him because she was alive, and he wasn’t. That thought alone caused his chest to constrict until his breath was coming out in rasps again and he found it difficult to think. How long would he be like this?

  Her saddened gaze returned to the bed. She paused, as if nervous, and then broke the peaceful silence. “Listen, Sean, I’m…really sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything,” came Drew’s murmured reply.

  She bit her lip guiltily. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did that day on the bus. I’m sorry for doubting you, for not being there for you like I always say I am. I should’ve gone with you, maybe then this wouldn’t have happened.”

  Drew reached out blindly and patted her hand in what was supposed to be a comforting way. “Don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong. I was the one who insisted I go alone. This isn’t your fault.”

  She sniffed, her shoulders trembling slightly. “But it is, I could have done something…”

  “No, you couldn’t have. You didn’t know what was going to happen.” He paused, and then added: “anyway, stop acting like I’m dead or something.” Sean knew the other boy had said that partly just to irritate him. How ironic could this conversation get?

  “I’m glad you’re not,” she said.

  “So am I.”

  She looked close to crying again. “I almost believed you were though, when I saw you in the hospital. I didn’t think you’d ever wake up again.”

  “Sorry, for making you worry,” Drew’s expression softened a little. “But don’t, because I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.”

  “You can’t plan when you die,” she said quietly. “You could get hit by a car again and die for real next time, just like that.”

  “It could happen to you as well. It could happen to anyone, not just me.”

  “I know,” she said. “But I already know what it feels like to have you die on me once, and I don’t want to ever feel like that again.” Sean was surprised; he hadn’t thought it would affect her so much.

  “Was it really that bad?” Drew asked.

  “I came to see you every day in the hospital,” she admitted quietly. “I couldn’t concentrate in lessons, and I couldn’t sleep or eat because I was so worried. I really thought I’d never see you again and the last memory I would have of you would be of our argument on the bus.”

  “You worry too much,” Drew shook his head. “If I die, then I die. It’s going to happen one day anyway.”

  She looked upset by his cynical comment. “You treat this as though it’s nothing, but it’s not. Don’t you even care?”

  “Of course I’m glad I survived, but there’s no point thinking about what might have happened. I’m still alive, that’s what matters.”

  She smiled. “Is that basically your long-winded way of telling me to shut up with the emotional stuff?”

  “Yup.”

  She laughed, wiping at her eyes. “Right, sorry. I forgot that guys have the emotional complexity of a sponge. Let’s move on.”

  Drew laughed. “That’s more like it; I’ve missed your insults. What have I missed at school?

  “A lot of work.”

  “Apart from that?”

  She shrugged. “The study area’s been banned indefinitely because some idiots set off stink bombs in there, and Liz found out her boyfriend was gay.”

  “Sounds pretty normal,” Drew chuckled. “Think I’ll be the centre of gossip when I go back?”

  “Probably. People have been asking me about you all week. There’s been all sorts of rumours flying around.”

  “Like what?”

  “Someone said that you got hit because you were high on drugs.”

  “How unimaginative.”

  She laughed lightly, and it carried on like that for a little while. They stuck to small talk, discussing school and work and classes. Sean had to admit that Drew was doing a pretty good job of impersonating him, and he felt a twinge of anger every time he said something that made Ali laugh or smile. Why couldn’t she see through him? He was her best friend and the boy in the bed was a psychotic dead thief dammit. He felt himself gradually losing hope as the conversation continued. All he wanted was for her to leave now, so he would be able to get some answers from Drew.

  That time came half an hour later. Ali got up from the chair and stretched. “Well, I’d better go home now. I have work due in tomorrow. I’ll come and visit again soo
n though, okay?” she assured him.

  “That’s fine.”

  She picked up her bag and walked to the door, opening it and pausing just before she walked out. She stared at Drew for a long moment. “By the way, Sean, I don’t know why but you seem…different.” Sean’s breath hitched. Had she figured it out?

  “Good different, or bad different?” Drew asked, suspicion in his voice.

  “Good different.”

  As soon as the door clicked shut, those piercing eyes opened and Sean glared, wishing that looks really could kill. Not that it would help, people couldn’t die twice. Although it seemed in this reality anything was possible, so maybe he still had a chance.

  “It’s funny, you know,” Drew spoke up suddenly, once they heard the front door close downstairs. “People are so arrogant. They think they’re immortal, that they’ll live until they’re 100, until they actually meet death face to face.”

  “What do you mean?” Sean spat out viciously.

  “I mean, before any of this happened you and Ali were both so terribly naïve. Do you know why she was so upset? She didn’t understand before, that death can happen to anyone at anytime. It’s not selective. It doesn’t single you out because you’re a bad person and you deserve to die. That saying ‘the good die young’ is probably closer to the truth unfortunately.”

  Sean shook his head at the strange musings, not feeling up to deciphering them. “What are you playing at?” he asked.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Drew feigned an innocent smile.

  “You’re trying to trick her, aren’t you? You’re trying to use her to get to me.”

  “Or maybe, I’m just being nice.”

  “Pff, I don’t believe you.”

  Drew raised an eyebrow. “Why not? I feel sorry for the poor girl. She’s obviously infatuated with you and you ignore her most of the time.”

  “Infatuated with me?” Sean laughed at the absurdity of the idea. “You really are a psycho.”

  “Fine, believe what you want.”

  “This isn’t going to work.” Sean narrowed his eyes, the strong urge to punch holes through the boy in front of him returning. “Ali will figure it out eventually.”

  From the bed, Drew smirked wickedly. “And if she does, who’s to say that she’ll still want to save you?”

  Chapter 6: If the whole world parked on double yellow lines

  Overwhelming numbness was something Sean never thought he would have to get used to. Neither was walking through walls. Yet, despite the many bad sides of being invisible and ghostly, walking through walls was not one of them. It was entertaining, and really he had no qualms about invading his brother’s privacy. It was actually something he’d always wanted to do.

  “Always wondered what you did during the nights,” he muttered to himself as he passed into the room. It was dark and smelt musty, the only light coming from a table lamp. Hayden was lying sprawled on the bed, iPod in and holding a book above him. Sean stole a closer glance at the book cover, and if he were still human would have face-palmed. “Really? That’s what you read when I’m not around? Soft porn?”

  He sighed, absently filtering through his brother’s shelf. Most of it was filled with psychology journals, astrology charts, works of famous literature. “Pretentious git,” Sean murmured under his breath. “These are probably all just for show, why else would you secretly read that trashy stuff at night?”

  Hayden didn’t answer, but Sean didn’t expect him to.

  With a groan, he threw himself onto the floor and sighed up at the ceiling. What was he supposed to do at night? He needed something to keep himself occupied so that he couldn’t stew in his depressing thoughts and plan revenge that at this rate would never happen. He noticed there was a photo tacked onto the ceiling. It was of him and Hayden, both very young, playing at the seaside. He frowned; he couldn’t remember that ever happening. It must have been before his amnesia.

  Sean could never remember exactly when he had lost his memories, but it was sometime around three or four years ago. The amnesia had made a permanent blot on his life that he couldn’t undo, no matter how much he had begged the psychiatrists to help him or how much he tried to remember on his own. The psychiatrists had never been very helpful and had just averted their eyes and mumbled that it was impossible, that the amnesia was permanent and he’d just have to suck it up.

  He hated it, really. Maybe it was why he was so cynical. Even now, he still felt like he didn’t know who he was, had never known, because it was true that memories did partly define a person. Hayden and mother had tried to fill in the gaps, giving him limited and unsatisfying information. You were always a happy child, his mother would say. We loved you very much. We still love you. But those were just words, and he didn’t believe them. You had a pretty boring life, Hayden would shrug when Sean turned to him for answers instead. Nothing out of the ordinary. We were all ordinary. We still are.

  Sometimes they told him stories about the past, but they were vague and didn’t help him a lot. According to them he’d had a perfectly happy life before. Surely that couldn’t be wholly true though. No one was that ordinary and perfect. What if everything they said was a lie? What if he wasn’t really related to his mother and Hayden? If he had been so damn unbelievably happy before, then why didn’t he have a father? They told him that he did have a father once, but that he’d left them. He’d asked why, countless times, determined to find out, but every time they both went cold and refused to answer. It doesn’t matter anymore, they’d say. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

  But it did. Everything he didn’t know made dents in his chest until he felt like he was just a piece of paper that someone had used to test out a hole-puncher on. Flimsy, fragile, he hated the feeling. He’d felt like that almost constantly after he was first released from the hospital. Alone. He didn’t know anyone, had no choice but to believe them if they claimed that he’d known them before. He had moved to a new school, to start all over again. A short while later he had met Ali. She made it slightly better, the dents in his chest that is, because she was part of his new life so there was no reason to doubt her.

  He never thought he would feel that alone again. But lying here beside his brother, like this, invisible and unable to be heard, came pretty damn close.

  “You’re just as much of a jerk as he is, you know,” Sean mumbled quietly, the insult directed at Hayden. “You’ve hidden half of my life from me. Then when I’m in trouble and I need your help, you don’t do anything. You just leave me alone like this, and go on thinking that nothing’s wrong.” He knew the accusations weren’t exactly fair, but the silence was stifling. He’d rather listen to his own voice than bear it any longer. “You know, the first memory I have of you is waking up in a hospital bed and seeing you in the chair next to me with frazzled hair and tired eyes. I was actually scared of you to start with. I didn’t know where I was, who you were, or even who I was. I couldn’t remember my own bloody name. Funny thought, isn’t it? I could have been called Henry for all I know.

  I guess I trusted you the most because you were the first person I woke up to. Mum came a while after and I do trust her too…but, maybe that’s why I’ve never been that close to her. I can’t remember what she was like, if she was nice or strict, if she made me go to bed at seven every night or not. I can’t remember you either. I can’t remember if we got along or not before, Hayden, or if we hated each other’s guts. I don’t think we did though. Sure, you are a jerk and so am I, but you’re pretty reliable most of the time. Well, except this time.”

  He waited. Nothing. Then he let out a sigh, tilted his head to the side. Still nothing.

  By the time Sean wandered back to his own room, he figured it was probably nearly morning. Drew’s form lay prone in the bed, but when Sean looked more closely he noticed small trembles and heaves through the cover. Drew’s face was knitted into a deep frown, and quiet gasps that sounded suspiciously like whimpers came every now and t
hen. It was a pitiful sight. Sean couldn’t help but wonder about the nightmare, and to his horror felt a little bit of sympathy for the boy. He scowled – why should he feel sorry for him? He was the enemy, the destroyer. Still, at that moment he looked nothing like a destroyer. He looked small and frightened and innocent. Sean wanted to laugh at the irony. There was nothing innocent about him. Turning his head resolutely away from the quivering body, he sat down on the other side of the room and even though he knew that sleep in his state was unattainable, tried to doze off and waited impatiently for the sun to rise.

  A particularly loud gasp dragged Sean out of his thoughts an hour later, signalling that Drew was awake. The ex-Imprint sat bolt upright in the bed, eyes wide and breathing ragged. There was no recognition in his eyes. Sean walked to the side of the bed curiously.

  “Sean?” Drew questioned hesitantly.

  “What do you want?” he bit back in his usual scathing tone, pushing away any sympathy he felt.

  Recognition slowly flooded back into the dark eyes, and with them relief. “Oh, it’s you,” he said.

  “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “What time is it?” Drew asked, his body visibly relaxing.

  “I don’t know. Maybe seven thirty. It’s still dark outside.”

  “Perfect.” Sean kept silent, choosing to glare instead. Drew rolled his eyes. “Good morning to you too, you seem as cheery as always.”

  “Hm.”

  Drew, with a wince, forced his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, flicking on a light. “Urgh, this hurts. Pain certainly isn’t one of the perks of being human.” Sean continued to stay quiet as the other drew back the curtains to reveal a still-starlit sky and glowing streetlamps, seeming blissfully unaware of the death glares he was receiving. “Do you honestly think I’m intimidated by someone who can’t even touch me?” he asked with an exasperated sigh.