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When she first caught sight of Drew, she seemed frightened and tense. But in spite of this she sat down beside him, shivering, and Sean wondered if it was because of the cold or something else. Drew leaned in and whispered something in her ear that Sean desperately wished he could hear. Her dull eyes widened and she looked shocked, but then just as quickly the look was gone to be replaced by a smile.
“Oh, you crack me up,” she started laughing, and Sean was confused by the sudden change of mood.
“Like an egg?” Drew grinned, grinned. Why was he suddenly grinning?
“Yeah, like a boiled egg. Like humpty dumpty.” Sean was past confused. Everything about their smiles, their laughter, seemed real but at the same time how could it be? Ali had looked so frightened when she first approached Drew, but now they were suddenly having inside jokes about bloody boiled eggs.
“So, are you feeling better now?” Drew asked. “I know you were sick these past few days, sorry I didn’t come around to see you.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine now. Just a cold.”
“Okay.” Drew looked her up and down, then frowned. “You’re looking skinny.”
“Like a model with my eyes all painted black?”
The frown deepened. “Don’t joke about this,” he said, pulling out a sandwich and beginning to unwrap it.
“I wasn’t joking,” she chuckled. “I was just finishing off the sentence. It’s a lyric from my favourite song.”
“Which is?”
“Lua, by Bright eyes. Ever heard of it?”
“Sorry, nope.” He finished unwrapping the sandwich and forced one into her hands. “Lunch.”
She pouted. “Tuna again, can’t you be a bit more creative?”
“Sorry it’s not up to your standards, princess,” he rolled his eyes, biting into his own sandwich. “Come on, eat. We’ve been over this.”
“I know, and I still don’t like it,” she made a face. “I wish you wouldn’t force me to do this.”
“I wish I didn’t have to.” She sighed, but gave in and reluctantly nibbled on the bread. “See? It’s not so bad.”
“How long do you plan to keep this up?” she asked instead.
“As long as it takes. And if you still refuse to cooperate, I’ll invite myself round for dinner as well.”
“Every night?”
“If I need to.”
She giggled. “That wouldn’t be a bad thing, you know.”
“I think you’d get tired of me after the first week or so,” Drew replied.
“I don’t think I could ever get tired of you,” she murmured.
The two lapsed into a comfortable silence and a cold gush of wind filtered through the leaves overhead, creating a quiet percussion like an army of toy soldiers all beating their drums in time. The field lay in shades of silvery opal, the frost that dusted the grass glimmering in the weak sunlight. Sean’s mind reeled as he took in the setting, the people, and how wrong it all was. Compared to the chaos of the previous few days something this normal seemed out of place. He had little time to think however, before Drew broke the peaceful quiet.
“So, what happened with your ghost stalker?”
Ali playfully hit his arm. “Next time you get haunted I’ll just watch and laugh,” she joked, and Sean couldn’t help but grin at the irony of it. “It’s okay now though. I don’t know why, but that presence I felt seems to have disappeared lately.”
“I’m glad.”
“The funny thing is though, I don’t think it was bad.”
“You mean the ghost?”
“It wasn’t a ghost, more like a…”
“What? Guardian angel?”
She laughed. “I think that’s the closest I’ll ever get to describing it.”
“Right,” Drew smirked. “So after all that drama, you’re sad that it’s gone now?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Drew shook his head, but there was humour in his eyes that chased away some of the shadows that still remained. “Can I ask you for something?”
Ali smiled. “Anything.”
“If I need your help, will you come?”
“Come where?”
“Wherever I am.”
She paused, as if she was considering, but then nodded. “Anytime, anywhere, anything,” she said. “But I’m limited to England, sorry, and I’d rather do between nine and five if possible.”
“That sounds pretty fair,” Drew agreed, smirking.
“Hey, if I promise you that then I want you to do something for me as well.”
“What?”
“When it gets warmer, come fishing with me again. Like we used to.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
She shook her head. “I want you to promise.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is it really that important to you?”
“Just promise me you’ll come.”
He let out an over-exaggerated sigh, but relented nonetheless. “Okay, okay. I promise.”
“You’d better mean it.”
“You don’t have to worry, I won’t forget.”
There had been something wrong about that conversation, something bittersweet, some deeper meaning hidden in their words, Sean mused during the last period of the day. It was only in hindsight he realised that despite her smile, Ali had had those same shadows in her eyes as well.
Home. The house was particularly cold, no warmer than the freezing air outside, and it was dark. Sean had always hated Winter. He never knew why, but this time of year made him feel uneasy. The driveway was empty; his mother must have left early for work, or gone shopping. Drew seemed tense as he unlocked the door and made his way through the empty house, up to his bedroom. His lonely footsteps echoed loudly in the eerie silence and for once, Sean found himself wishing that his mother had not left the house. He would never admit it but he didn’t like being alone when it was dark and cold and the shadows played hopscotch across the barren walls.
Drew pushed open the door to their room, and stopped.
Hayden was sitting on the bed, his posture slumped, and his face deathly pale. Bedraggled, dark hair framed gaunt eyes that were glazed over and void of reason. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Honestly, the sight of his brother in that state scared Sean. Hayden had always been sensible, logical, but now he looked nothing like the boy Sean knew.
“Hayden, are you okay?” Drew edged closer warily, looking just as shaken as Sean felt at the sight. But the older boy stood up suddenly, his hair obscuring his eyes.
“Don’t come any closer,” he croaked quietly, voice hoarse, and it was then that Sean finally realised that there was something clasped in his hand.
“What are you holding?” Drew asked, having noticed as well.
Hayden swayed dangerously on the spot for a moment, and Sean knew there was something horribly wrong. Was he under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or was it just sleep deprivation? The truth though was worse. Upon closer inspection, Sean realised what his brother had found, and with this realisation came fear.
The pack of spare blue contact lenses.
“Tell me,” Hayden whispered. “What colour are your eyes, really?”
Drew was rooted to the spot, strangely quiet, his whole body frozen. “Do you know?” he asked. “Do you know who I am?”
“I don’t care who you are, but I know what you did.” Hayden was still speaking in that uncannily calm voice, like he was just stating facts and nothing else, but there was a gleam of anger in his eye. “You took my brother from me; you killed Sean and stole his body.”
“What?” Drew asked, confused. “I didn’t kill Sean. Not permanently, anyway. His soul is still here, in this room. I can get him back.”
“I don’t believe you,” Hayden sneered. “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid. I’ve done my research, I know what happened. You ripped my little brother’s soul to shreds and then stole his body.”
“So this is what you meant by worse conclusion,” Sean muttered.
“Dammit, if I just make myself solid I could show him…”
“Don’t,” Drew cut in, and Sean knew immediately that he was talking to him. “It’s not worth it, I can sort this out. And besides, if you used such a large amount of energy now you would fade out. I still need you around.”
“Who are you talking to?” Hayden asked abruptly, agitated.
“I told you, Sean’s soul. I know it sounds kind of unbelievable but-”
“STOP LYING,” Hayden roared, and it was obvious that there was no use trying to reason with him. “My brother’s GONE, you killed him, so now I’m going to do the same thing to you.”
Sean had known Hayden his whole life. He thought he knew his strange yet ultimately kind-hearted brother well enough, so it was the last thing he expected when the boy he had always respected pulled out a gun and pointed it at Drew. Where he had gotten a gun from, Sean would never find out. All he knew was that it felt like his heart had jumped into his throat to try and bludgeon his windpipe to death while at the same time a voice in his head was saying ‘you never had a heart in the first place, and you certainly don’t have one now’.
Drew did not move from his spot, but Sean could see the shock and fear etched into every part of his face. The emotions reflected his own, while at the same time disappointment crept somewhere in the back, because he had always thought that Hayden was the sort of person to stay level headed no matter what the situation. He’d always thought that he knew his brother, but now he realised how mistaken he was.
“Are you really going to kill me?” Drew whispered, and the desperation in his voice hung in the air like a bad odour.
Hayden looked uncertain, and his hands were shaking badly, causing the barrel of the gun to rattle. “I should, I want to,” he said. “It would be so easy. You’re defenceless here, no one to protect you, all I have to do is pull this trigger and you’ll be gone.”
“How would you explain killing your own brother to the world?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Hayden shook his head, as if to clear away his own doubts. “I need to do this.”
“Sean would hate you for it you know,” Drew continued, and his mask of indifference was back up again and stronger than ever. “I don’t think he would want to see the big brother he respects killing out of vengeance.”
“Maybe, but he’s not here anymore to see it.”
“Stubborn, aren’t you?” Drew shook his head in exasperation. “No matter what I say you won’t believe me, so go on then. Shoot me.” He put his hands up in surrender and Hayden pointed the gun at him, the metal clanking with the weight of his trembling hands. It was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to do it. Even if he fired, he couldn’t aim straight.
“What colour are your eyes, really?” Hayden repeated the question, quietly, but Drew heard it and smirked.
“You sure you want to know?” Without waiting for an answer he reached up and discarded the pair of contact lenses he was wearing, letting them drop to the ground.
“You…” Hayden stumbled back from shock, dropping the gun in the process, and Drew took this chance to leap forward in one swift, fluid movement and hit the side of his head. Glazed, blue eyes widened for a moment, but then closed as his legs buckled and his body crumpled to the ground. There was a deafening silence, and Sean wanted nothing more than to scream and shatter it. Shatter something. He felt on the verge of a panic attack, but tried to reel in the last of his self control and stay calm, think rationally.
“He’s okay,” Drew assured him. “I didn’t hurt him too much; he’s just unconscious right now. He’ll wake up in a few hours.”
Even though he didn’t need the air, Sean took a long breath to try and clear his head. “Was that really necessary?” he forced the words out, trying to appear calm even though he felt anything but.
“No, but it was more convenient.” Drew wasn’t looking at him anymore. Instead he was rummaging through the drawers, searching for something. “We’re leaving, Sean.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m not so keen on being here when he wakes up again,” Drew nodded in the direction of Hayden’s immobile body.
“Where are we going to go?” Sean asked.
The burgundy eyed boy finally seemed to find what he was looking for and pocketed the small object, locking his fervent gaze onto Sean’s. He sighed. “There’s just something I need to take care of, and I need you with me for it.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Remember when we first met, I told you that you had to wait and see? Well, the waiting’s over. It’s time to do the seeing part now. Come with me.”
Sean knew he had no choice. Maybe, ever since he had lost his body, he’d had no choice in anything. Maybe Drew had just planned it all out to happen this way and Sean had always been powerless to do anything about it. But even so, there was sincerity beneath Drew’s words that made Sean somehow trust him. It was an irrational trust, but this time he didn’t question why.
And so the two boys, both not quite alive and not quite dead, ran into the night.
Chapter 15: To see
Run. Run. Run, keep running, don’t look back, don’t think about anything else except for the sensation of moving forward. Don’t stop or you’ll be left behind.
Sean had never found running as hard as he did now. They had taken a bus first, gotten off at some obscure stop, and then Drew had started to run. Sean had had no energy left to question it and followed obediently, because for him running made no difference. In fact he liked it, even if he couldn’t feel the wind on his face anymore.
They ran well past the usual clusters of housing estates, past the modern shops and into the more rural area outside the main part of town. Here the houses came a lot fewer and far between and there were only small high streets packed with old, run-down grocery stores that had been there for decades. After another twenty minutes, even these small settlements faded into trees and grassland. It became darker as the far away city lights grew dim, the only light being the occasional streetlamp and the glow of the moon.
Finally, Drew stopped running and collapsed to the ground, panting from exhaustion. Sean took the time to look around the place where they had stopped, taking in the beautiful scenery. It was a large clearing, enclosed on all sides by a foliage of trees, but the main attraction was the lake. It lay, silent and still, a large puddle of liquefied moonlight. The water was black, but tinted a delicate silver, like an expensive satin or a wolf’s fur.
“Nice, isn’t it?” Drew, having recovered, stood up again and it was hard to make out his expression in the dark. Sean had a sudden sense of déjà vu.
“Why are we here?”
But Drew ignored his question and instead stood quietly, as still as the water. “This is the place where I died,” he suddenly said. Sean paused, surprised, unsure what to say. “I told you once that I drowned, didn’t I?” he continued. “I drowned in this lake. Not a bad place to die really.”
“Brian told me that you were murdered,” Sean said quietly.
There was a strange look in the other boy’s eyes. “Maybe I used to think that, but not anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
Drew began to stumble closer to the lake, and Sean followed uneasily. He’d always been uneasy around water, something else he wished he knew the reason for. They stopped right at the water’s edge, where it met the rounded pebbles that made up the bank. “Do you want to know how I died?” Drew asked. “Do you want to see the truth?”
Sean tried to shake off the feeling, but it was hard to ignore the foreboding sense of unease that settled in his stomach. “If it explains things, then okay,” he hesitantly agreed.
“Good,” Drew said. “Now make your hand solid and put it into the water. Your body, both of our souls, it should work.”
“But won’t I fade out if I do that?”
“Just trust me this once, it will work.”
And really it was hard to go a
gainst Drew, so Sean obliged and ghosted his solid hand over the surface of the water cautiously, while at the same time Drew dipped his fingers into it.
“You think I can swim in there, Drew?” He was twelve again, young and naïve and excited by the mere prospect of swimming in a lake. It was such a pretty lake too, especially in the sunshine when the water glittered like that.
“Sure, it looks fine.” The older boy was sitting on the bank, reading.
“Is it safe?”
“You can swim, right Sean?”
“Well, sort of. But I’m still not very good.”
“Then go swim if you want to. Just don’t drown on my watch.”
“But-”
“Seriously, go. You’re starting to get on my nerves.”
It was cold, so cold, and the water was like hundreds of knives piercing into him. He kicked out, but then suddenly he couldn’t feel anything beneath him and he was underwater, lost in a dark and murky world. His oxygen was escaping in streams of bubbles and he didn’t know which way was up or down anymore, just that he was surrounded on every side by darkness. His lungs burned for air, pain and adrenaline coursing through his body and forming a deadly cocktail. He was oddly aware of a ringing sound in his ears. Was that his ear drums bursting from the pressure, or his own terrified screams? He tried to kick, flailed helplessly, but he just kept sinking. Why did the light keep getting farther away?
Suddenly he felt the hands grasping for him, seizing his arms and coiling themselves around him. He felt them pulling him in one direction, hopefully up, but he was beginning to feel light-headed and thinking was just too much of a strain. The pain was ebbing into a much more bearable numbness, the same way that darkness was permeating his mind and placating his previous hysteria. He felt almost comfortable, the body pressed against his providing a sense of security. Leaning into the reassuring warmth of the arms that were around him, he gripped as tightly as possible onto whatever he could reach in his half-conscious state, not wanting to get left behind, not wanting to let go and give in to the invading darkness.
“Do you understand now?”