Imprint Page 16

  Sean blinked dazedly, letting the new revelation settle in his mind the way silt settled at the bottom of rivers, still completely thrown. “So what now?” he asked quietly. “Are you going to tell me that you love her, that as soon as I’m gone you two can just go ahead and live some happy life together without me there to bother you?”

  “That’s not what I want,” Drew denied.

  Sean ignored him. “Do you love her?”

  “I told you I don’t want-”

  “I said do you love her? Now answer my bloody question.”

  Drew paused, to collect his thoughts. “I don’t know right now, but maybe if I had more time I would.”

  “Well, now you have a whole damn lifetime.”

  “Are you really that angry?”

  “Yes, I’m that angry.”

  “Why?” Sean faltered, and his anger slowly faded. He couldn’t answer that question. Really Drew had done nothing wrong. He had not hurt her, and Sean had no claim over Ali. They were only friends, she wasn’t and had never been his girlfriend. So why was he angry? “Maybe you’re jealous,” Drew supplied with a smirk.

  That was definitely not a possibility. “No way in hell.”

  “The closest you’ll ever get to hell is where you are right now, Sean.”

  “I’m not jealous, you bastard.”

  “Then, since you forced me to answer, tell me do you love her?”

  Sean didn’t like that question. He really hated it. He always used to think of love as a stupid, overrated thing that teenage girls made out to be a lot bigger than it really was. Sometimes he wondered though, if he did love Ali. Not that blinding, heat-of-the-moment sort of love, but more of a quiet and unseen thing between them that no one else understood. Maybe even he didn’t understand it.

  “I don’t know either,” he admitted at last, honestly. “I just know that I’m angry, and I have no idea why.”

  “I’m sorry,” Drew said. “I just…it’s been so long since I could touch anything that I wanted to know what it was like, to be that close to someone again.”

  Sean’s anger subsided at those words, and his glare softened. Drew was vulnerable and intoxicated at the moment; as much as he wanted to be angry at him, the anger slipped away as quickly as it came. And, on some level, he understood what Drew meant. The need to be close to someone after being unable to feel for so long. “This still doesn’t explain why you went drinking,” he muttered.

  “That’s a stupid question. Why else do people drink? To make it go away.” There was something else, Sean knew. Some secret meaning behind those words that he couldn’t grasp, another side he couldn’t see.

  “Make what go away?” he asked cautiously.

  “Reality.”

  “You won this game, Drew. You’re alive, you got everything you wanted. Why would you want to make it go away?”

  “Not yet.”

  “What?”

  “I haven’t won yet.”

  “I’m nearly gone,” Sean stated blandly. “I know that you can see it too: I’m weaker than before, more translucent. I’m fading faster and faster, and as soon as I disappear you win.”

  “Does it bother you that soon you won’t exist?”

  “No, I can’t bring myself to care anymore. I came to terms with it a while ago.”

  Drew just smiled sadly. “You see, you may have given up but I haven’t won yet. This game’s far from over.”

  It wasn’t the chilling words that made Sean involuntarily shiver and send panic racing through his head, it was the haunted look on the other boy’s face as he said it.

  Chapter 14: You crack me up like an egg

  “It feels wrong.”

  “What does?”

  “This process of fading out of existence.”

  “I thought you said you’d already accepted it.”

  “I have. But there’s still something that feels wrong, as if it’s not supposed to happen this way.”

  “Well, it’s not. You’re not dead. You weren’t supposed to go like this.”

  “I wonder how I would have died then, if you had never interfered.”

  “A disease, maybe. Or murder. There’s so many different ways to go, but yours is pretty unique.”

  “Yeah, I suppose it is. No one’s going to care when it happens though, they won’t even know I’m gone.”

  “That’s a pretty harrowing thing to say.”

  “Well, my body will still be here, and no one will notice the difference. It makes me wonder if I ever existed in the first place.”

  “You exist right now; otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’ll know when you’re gone.”

  “But you’ll be the only person in the whole world who knows.”

  “Isn’t that enough?”

  “No, but it’s the best I’m going to get. Give me a funeral or something, will you?”

  “I won’t have anything to bury.”

  “You can bury my mouldy socks in my place, to represent me.”

  “Are you being serious?”

  “No, but I can’t think of anything else. It’s a reason to laugh while I still can, right?”

  “Well, if it’s what you want, I’ll bury your socks. I’ll do my best to mourn for you too – the whole death package.”

  Two days passed without incident. Sean kept to himself mostly, and Hayden seemed to be doing the same. Sean passed up his nightly visits to Ali’s house and instead stayed by Drew the whole night. The ex-Imprint himself didn’t sleep much anymore. He pretended to, and he was very good at pretending to sleep, but Sean was not fooled. He had spent so many hours now watching people sleep that he could tell if it was fake or not. He never said anything about it though, because he knew Drew would only deny it.

  In the past two days Ali had also been sick. That was only according to Drew though, an explanation for why she wasn’t at school. Sean found it slightly suspicious, and went to check on her once. She did look sick and was bedridden, so he didn’t question it, forcing away the concern he felt. At the moment nothing made sense, and he knew pushing the matter would not gain him any answers. If you can’t beat them, join them, they used to say. He remembered that saying now with an ironic grin. It suited his current situation so well. When had he stopped hating Drew? He could never come up with a specific time or date, but somewhere along this skewered timeline he had joined the side of his own destroyer. How. Damn. Ironic.

  Wednesday snuck up on him quietly and without any forewarning, but somehow there was a difference in the air. Like a quiet buzzing sound. Like apprehension. The source seemed to be Drew, whose depression had steadily gotten worse over the course of the week until, by then, he was pretty much mute. He would sit on the grimy window sill, or out on the porch, and would stare off into the sky for hours at a time with a blank expression. Sometimes he would take long walks in the evening to the park, or a random street, and Sean would follow behind afraid to break the silence.

  It was on one such trip that they came across Brian and Penny again. Sean had missed talking to the old man, even though they’d only had one proper conversation so far. Still, being able to talk to someone other than Drew was a relief, especially when he was in such an antisocial mood.

  “Drew!” Penny was the first to gush, all innocent smiles and faint blushes. “Me and Papa have been looking for you everywhere,” she emphasized ‘everywhere’ with large and elaborate hand gestures.

  There was an awkward moment, and then recognition leaked through into Drew’s glazed eyes and he cracked a fake smile. “Sorry ‘bout that Penny, guess I’ve been a bit busy lately. It’s good to see you again though.” He ruffled her hair and the little girl didn’t seem to notice any difference and giggled, leaping away from him.

  “Bet you can’t catch me,” she stuck her tongue out cheekily and ran behind Brian’s legs.

  “She seems as happy as ever,” Sean commented with a small smile of his own, watching her. “It’s as if none of this has even affected
her.”

  Brian nodded in agreement. “She’s adapted quickly, it a relief.” He turned to Drew. “Where have you been hiding out all this time anyway? We’ve had a hard time trying to find you.”

  “Here and there,” Drew replied elusively.

  “Mind elaborating a bit on that?”

  “Not really. I’ve just been busy recently, Brian.”

  Something unsaid seemed to pass between the two, a silent argument that confused Sean even more. But then, as if remembering his presence, Brian suddenly plastered on an overly cheerful smile and said to Sean: “Ah, he’s just being grouchy today. How are you?”

  “Confused, thanks.” He eyed them warily. Why did everyone except him seem to have a big secret nowadays?

  “That’s just your permanent state of being Sean,” Drew shot with a sneer.

  “Yeah, well look at the ‘permanent state’ of your face-”

  “That’s your face, dimwit.”

  “Which you ruin, jerk.”

  “You’re just jealous that it looks better on me.”

  “Like hell you vain, egocentric bastard.”

  Truthfully, Sean had actually missed these stupid mini arguments. They had become routine and were a lot less frightening than Drew’s newly found depressive state. They symbolised normalcy, or what had become of it over the last few months.

  “You weren’t kidding,” Brian piped up, heaving chuckles. “You two really do fight over completely ridiculous things. You should’ve heard some of things he was saying about you, Drew,” he added, winking.

  “I’d rather not, I doubt they’re pretty,” said boy muttered, and he was suddenly back to serious again. “Enough of this, since you’re here I need to talk to you about something alone Brian.” He gave Sean a meaningful glance that could be translated easily as ‘piss off’.

  “I’m not leaving,” Sean said stubbornly, trying to match the glare he was receiving.

  Drew was about to argue back, but Brian cut in first. “Don’t worry about it, Drew, I know what you want to say. Sean should stay as close to you as possible now anyway, he doesn’t have long left.” There was something strange about the way he said it, something familiar and sad.

  Drew just looked down meekly, seeming enthralled by his shoelaces. “Yeah, I know.”

  Why did he seem so upset by this fact, Sean pondered. He was the one who was going to fade out, not Drew. “I know I won’t be around much longer, but stop talking about me as if I’m already gone,” Sean said.

  Brian ignored him, his attention focused solely on the burgundy eyed boy. “When?” he asked quietly.

  “When what?” Sean yelled, angry that no one would answer him.

  Drew paused, looked between the two of them, and there was a grim smile on his face. “You’ll know when,” he said.

  The next day Sean decided to stage an intervention. Not because he cared about Drew or anything stupid like that, but because if the prat decided to commit suicide in his body then he was also screwed. More importantly there were still too many unanswered questions. That feeling of apprehension was still there, suffocating him. He knew Drew was keeping secrets. And somehow he knew that those secrets were the answers to his questions. So when Drew went out for another of his lonely walks that Thursday, Sean decided to stay behind and work on a plan of action.

  By the time Drew returned, the sky outside was dark and ominous. Any thoughts of interrogation were quickly wiped from Sean’s mind as the door opened with a bark. Wait, bark? Doors generally creaked, they didn’t bark. His confusion was quickly replaced by surprise when Drew appeared inside the room holding a small black dog. It increased further when he noticed that Drew was smiling.

  “Okay. Please explain to me why you are holding a dog.”

  Drew collapsed onto the bed, still cradling the dog to his chest like a small child as it yipped happily. “Because, Sean, I found her on her own in the park and I couldn’t just leave her. She might have died.”

  “And you thought it necessary to bring it back here?”

  Drew frowned. “Don’t call her an ‘it’. That’s demeaning. And besides, I love dogs. They’re loyal, they don’t argue back, and they’re not demanding.”

  Sean was sorely tempted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. “Who knew that all it took would be a ball of fluff for you to turn into a girl,” he snickered.

  Drew looked affronted. “There’s nothing unmanly about being a generous, kind-hearted animal lover,” he sniffed indignantly. “Girls go for that sort of thing, you know.” He finally seemed to realise that the dog was struggling in his arms though and put the poor animal down. It began to sniff the room and he watched it with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Sean couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He couldn’t believe how unpredictable Drew could be. A week long depression broken by a stray animal of all things.

  “Like any girl would come within 10 feet of you.”

  Drew smirked. “Unless you’ve forgotten, Ali did. And she seemed to enjoy herself.”

  Sean couldn’t help the flash of anger he felt at the mention of her, and him, together. “She only did it thinking it was me,” he muttered.

  “God knows why. You made it pretty clear that you were, what, asexual or something.”

  “I am not asexual, you prat.”

  “Really? So you swing the other way, huh?”

  Sean felt a sudden urge to repeatedly slam his head against a wall. “And no, I’m not gay either-”

  “Are you sure? Could have fooled me.”

  “Shut up! I like girls, you utter moron.”

  “Anyone in particular?” That sly smirk was still playing on Drew’s lips, eyes glinting.

  “Yes. I like Al-” Sean stopped suddenly, eyes wide, realising what he had been about to say. Ali. No, he wouldn’t go there. He wouldn’t touch it with a 20 foot pole. She was his best friend, his only real friend. He wouldn’t complicate things with his stupid, bodily desires. “Alex,” he finished instead. “Yeah, I like Alex.”

  “The orange slut? Really?”

  Sean sighed, deciding he should probably quit while he was behind and change the subject. “You know you’ll have to get rid of the dog, right? Mum will never let you keep it.” They both glanced at the black dog which they had forgotten about, who appeared to be asleep in the corner.

  Drew nodded, but he looked despondent at the thought. “I know, I’ll take her to the kennels tonight.”

  “Are you sure you can manage it? Will it break your little heart?” Sean quipped. “What’s your deal with dogs, anyway? You turn into such a sap around them, it’s weird.”

  Sean had meant it as a joke, trying to start another argument to prolong this light atmosphere he had missed so much. But Drew’s face lost its smirk and suddenly became more serious. “I used to be a dog-walker, when I was alive,” he explained. “It was one of my many jobs. I guess dogs just make me feel nostalgic or something.”

  “You had more than one job?”

  “Oh yeah, I was a dog-walker, baby-sitter, worked shifts in a café too. I didn’t have much choice, since my parents were quite poor. I was saving up for University.” There was a distant look in Drew’s eyes as he said this, something Sean remembered seeing in Brian.

  “So what was the plan, then?” Sean asked. “Let me guess, company manager? Banker? Dentist?”

  “I wanted to become a doctor.”

  “A doctor?” Sean’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “Are you telling me that you, ultimate prat and Mr. I-don’t-care-if-you-fade-out-or-not-as-long-as-i-get-to-keep-your-body, wanted to help people?” Sean had hoped that his tirade would spark an amused grin, or a snarky response. But it seemed that just as quick as it had come, the light-hearted mood had gone again and that horrible haunted look was back in Drew’s eyes. He didn’t even acknowledge the comment. Sean couldn’t stand it. He just wanted those moments of normalcy to last, for whatever was coming to never arrive, because no matter how crap being an Impri
nt was he had a feeling that there was worse to come. “Now why are you being moody? Is it your time of the month?” He tried again to joke, to break the horrible silence, but it fell flat like a pancake in a frying pan. Something had shifted in the air, and that oppressive feeling was back again, stronger than before.

  “I wanted my life to mean something,” Drew suddenly admitted, his voice startling Sean out of his thoughts. “I wanted to do something special, you know, save people’s lives.”

  “Is that why you were so determined to come back?” Sean asked quietly. “Is that what drove you to steal my body like this? To have another chance?”

  Suddenly Drew snorted, as if he found something amusing about Sean’s question. But his eyes were still dark and churning, like a brewing storm. “I don’t need another chance,” he said. “I’ve already saved one life, you see.”

  Sean opened his mouth to ask what he meant. He desperately wanted to make Drew explain. For some reason, he had a feeling that this story was somehow important, the key to unravel this web of secrets that Drew had built around them. But before he could begin to interrogate him Drew got up and scooped the dog into his arms, storming out of the room in a flurry of black fur and unanswered questions.

  Friday was the coldest day of the year. In a rare show of parental concern, Sean’s mother bandaged Drew into a scarf, hat and overly large coat before he left for school, which he promptly stripped off as soon as he got on the bus complaining that ‘he wasn’t scared of a little frost’. Drew had started to act a little more normal, but it still seemed fake. It made Sean wonder what was real about him nowadays.

  Ali wasn’t on the bus, but strangely she turned up at the same tree during the free period that they both shared. It was as though she had been avoiding Drew for some reason. Sean was tempted to believe Drew’s story now though, about her being sick, because her face was even paler than usual and there were dark rings around her eyes. Her hair hung limp around her shoulders and settled there, a bloody red that matched her winter coat.